Have you seen Mad Max 2?

If you haven’t, stop reading this and go watch it.

Done?

Right, now you’re up to speed with the rest of us who love Gorkamorka. There’s a third film too, if you’re interested. There might even be more on their way, if they ever get out of development hell!

This scenario is based on part of Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, in which a tanker full of oil must be escorted away from a gang of fuel-hungry nutters. It’s a pretty solid premise for a GoMo scenario and so back in March 2000 this article was published in Citadel Journal 36, written by Peter Hurrell.

Download PDF

Like the picture? It’s done by Australian artist Wayne Dowsent. You can find his site here where you can get prints of it and all the other good stuff he’s done.

Hello everyone, you might be concerned about the lack of updates to the site but don’t worry, we’re not dead!

The guys are pretty busy with life, but there’s GoMo related stuff happening too. Our other faction are being playtested regularly and getting closer to unveiling, for a start, which is keeping Skippy and Flamekebab busy. Depiff is working on several different articles, one of which Clayton is working on some rather awesome artwork for. The rest of us are beavering away at our own stuff, but life is getting in the way more than usual.

We’ll be releasing stuff as soon as we can.

Flamekebab and Skippy have started playing Gorkamorka on a regular basis and at the last clash Depiff just happened to be there to take notes to create a battle report. It’s been a while since we published one as, to be honest, taking the notes to make them slows down the game quite a bit.

**Tork’s Terrorz vs. Grimlug’s Ladz
**Scenario: Convoy (Digganob, scenario 2)

Tork’s Terrorz are a fledgling Digga mob who have played one game before this one and have just got a new Digganob thanks to some rather unfortunate advances. Hopefully Tork is going to prove himself to be the man for the job, having ousted Zognar.

Grimlug’s Ladz are an old favourite here at tUGS who may soon be facing temporary retirement (much like Nazgrab’s Yella Deff). Flamekebab does tend to manage to get pretty decent results from normal Orks, so perhaps he’ll try something a bit different from Gorkers and Morkers soon. In the meantime they’ve acquired a new trak, “Ruzt”, and another yoof to drive it.

With a mob rating of 130 and 221 respectively the Diggas stand to gain some real respect even if they don’t win. The scenario is Convoy and there are three scrap counters in play, one on the trak “Spike” and two on the trak “Ruzt”. Flamekebab’s Burna rules were used in this scenario and his pre-game reminder chart too. We also use our house rule that all players can roll for recovery in each recovery phase.

We’ve done our best to keep this in the present tense but it probably wanders all over the place, for which we apologise.

Turn 1

Firing up the traks’ gas engines the convoy slowly picked its way through the canyon, carefully navigating around the large rocky outcroppings and assorted obstacles.

As much as they want to get the scrap to the Mekboys it’s just a bit boring, but no adversaries arrive this turn.

Turn 2

Rotgrim’s brain is starting to ache a bit, he’s got a thoroughly strange urge to try to chew on his own ears, but despite this he manages to keep a cool head. The convoy proceeds a little, taking care around the terrain. After all, if the cargo gets too damaged there won’t be any fungus bear, and that doesn’t make anyone happy!

Suddenly there is a loud revving and a lot of shouting hurtling towards the lead trak.

DIGGAZ!

T-boning the trak seems to be the best way to do it, but unfortunately something goes terribly wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.

Zognar, the old Digganob, is thrown into a rock, taking several hits and going down.

Bathazark, Tork’s shaman, goes over the side taking a flesh wound and swearing profusely.

Aldorg ends up thrown clear of the wreckage, well behind the trukk. The shock proves too much for him and he goes down.

Ansvark joins him, but he’s not so easily phased and is back on his feet within a few moments.

Snikolai falls over the other side, getting a face full of tent and going down.

Tork himself is thrown head-first into the trak, braining himself and going out of action immediately.

Axel, the latest addition to the mob, finds himself bleeding with a trak bearing down on him. He hits the deck whimpering (down).

Larz keeps it together and hops over the edge of the vehicle and takes cover behind a wheel, shielding himself from the blast.

Knutta is not so fortunate, and finds himself in the middle of Spike, the Ork trak! The impact puts him down, or perhaps it’s the huge snarling warriors looking at him?

Dagfinn also thinks quickly, slinging his shoota over the edge and jumping after it, ready to enter the fray.

The trak driver also takes a hit, but it is just a small bit of shrapnel and doesn’t even wound the lucky blighter. Grimlug and his boys let out a hearty battle cry, happy for the distraction!

The four Diggas left standing are not about to let their mates cop it straight away, at least if they can help it, dakka dakka dakka!

Dagfinn lets off a burst of shoota fire at the trak, penetrating the armour and hitting Skrognik. The yoof snarls at him but no actual harm comes to the Ork. Larz takes a deep breath and squeezes the trigger on his blunderbuss, hitting Spike’s big grabber, unfortunately not doing any real damage. Lastly Bathazark tries his luck, firing his shoota at the trak, penetrating the armour but failing to cause any harm to anyone on board.

Turn 3

Rotgrim’s head is really starting to feel funny now, perhaps a little burnination will help clear his head. One failed ammo roll later and it seems the tubing was leaking the whole time as there’s barely enough fuel left. With any luck it’ll be up and running next turn for a little bit of hand to hand¹.

While the spanner boy is having troubles with the world Ogkart, the driver of Ruzt and newest member of the mob isn’t doing much better, attempting to thrust and failing miserably.

Things aren’t going that much better onboard Spike as Wazbag fires his six shootas wildly at Dagfinn, pinning the poor Digga but failing to wound. Unluckily for the Digga though the Ork barely seems to notice as his six-shoota explodes in his hand. Apparently having an iron mask for a face rather changes your perspective on pain!

Attempting to mow the remaining opponents down ZodZod unleashes the squigs of war, firing a hail of ‘Eavy Shoota fire at Larz and Bathazark. Despite the volume of fire only a single shot hits each man, or so it would seem. Bathazark takes a hit but Larz hits the deck mere moments before hot lead fills the place he was standing, a feat that is no coincidence.

Spike’s driver, Zogdreg, feels a little left out with only downed and pinned targets to go for, but sadistically goes for Axel, hitting him but doing little more. Similarly Gorog’s kannon fire does little but deafen those around him, he just wanted to show off in front of the boss. Of course, Grimlug isn’t paying attention to Gorog, he’s levelling his own kannon at Ansvark, knocking him off his feet, putting him down.

Lastly, adding injury to injury (there’s probably a fair bit of insulting going on too, but the grievous bodily harm is more interesting!) Skrognik swings a finishing blow in the direction of Knutta, putting him out of the day’s proceedings.

With nearly everyone pinned there’s not much Tork’s boys can do, but Aldorg at least makes a go of it, throwing a well intentioned frag stikkbomb at Ruzt with great enthusiasm; perhaps a little too much though as it goes right over the trak landing somewhere far off.

By the end of the turn most of the Diggas have shaken off their pressing desire to survive and recover from pinning, although Snikolai is still down.

Turn 4

Rotgrim, baffled as to why he can’t get his burna working feels himself losing IQ points by the second. He’s stupid, at least for this turn. Wandering off the trak he decides to say hello to kindly Mr. Tent.

Aldorg’s grenade was apparently not so well received, and Aldorg finds himself facing three rather menacing greenskins; Gutrunt, Gorog, and Grimlug. Similarly displeased is Wazbag, not content with the minimal damage his six-shootas are causing he pulls a knife from his boot and advances on Dagfinn. As everyone else is doing it Skrognik decides to charge the pinned ex-Digganob who doesn’t look all that tough scrabbling in the dirt!

Left to supervise the scrap Ogkart figures he’d best get the trak facing in the right direction, muttering under his breathe about never getting to do anything fun he pulls a three-point turn so he can pick the lads up when they’re done, or if he’s really lucky, run over some pesky Diggas.

Zogdreg wishes he could move Spike, but ZodZod is quite happy where they are and you don’t mess about with a spanner boy standing behind your head with a loaded ‘Eavy Shoota. To pass the time he takes a few more potshots at Axel, pinning him again.

Squeezing the trigger and laughing, ZodZod has another go at Larz and Bathazark, missing the shaman completely and seeming to hit the Digga boy again, or so he thinks but the lack of blood is disturbing. The gunner is right – Larz wasn’t wounded, he dodged again!

Zognar, on seeing the advancing Ork yoof figures it’s as good an opportunity as any to try out his fancy new Archeotek. It’s a… thing, or something, if only he could get it working. Perhaps it’s this button? ZZZZZZZZZAP!

The old Digganob didn’t enjoy that, he’s not feeling particularly good any more (one flesh wound), but he really needs a decent weapon to take on that burly greenskin. One more try?

BZZZZZAP!

Another flesh wound later and the Digga decides those last two were practice run, it’ll definitely work this time!

WUMMMMM!

Nice! Some sort of power weapon!

Mr. Tent is mean and doesn’t want to talk to Rotgrim. Rotgrim doesn’t like Mr. Tent. There’s a blue cutting flame coming from the end of his burna though so he tears Mr. Tent apart and follows up towards Dagfinn.

Speaking of Dagfinn, he manages to hold his nerve against the brown-trousers-inducing Ork that is Wazbag (and his fear causing Iron Mask). The scary git does get his adrenaline going though, which must be helping as he fends off everything that is thrown at him.

Recovery phase time – Snikolai is back on his feet, but pinned.

Zognar’s power weapon has no such trouble, and after a struggle he manages to draw blood, giving Skrognik a fleshwound. Dagfinn is not so lucky, ending up in pieces on the desert floor (presumably Wazbag got him, but the notes don’t record who struck the incapacitating blow).

Turn 5

Rotgrim doesn’t get much smarter this turn, but as Mr. Tent is gone perhaps it’s time to go home. He stumbles over to the other trak (Spike) and clambers aboard.

Grimlug has yet to get a taste of combat and is sick of it. He may have a gammy leg, but they should save some for him, he is in charge after all… Lumbering forward he gets stuck into Larz. Let’s see if he can dodge a choppa, shall we?

Zogdreg and ZodZod find themselves a little short on targets and so sit there like lemon squigs. Ogkart is on the move though, heading forward to keep up with the fight.

Larz doesn’t manage to dodge the heavy blows Grimlug deals out, but he’s still remarkably lucky, escaping injury even when struck. Gutrunt has a bit more luck though – he’s not very skilful with his powerklaw, but when it hits, it hits. Snikolai didn’t stand a chance, really (Out of Action). He and Gorog then follow up to join Wazbag and Axel.

Axel doesn’t manage to deal any wounds to the rather tough Ork (T5), even though two of strikes connect.

Skrognik has got two Diggas on his hands but manages to put Bathazark, the shaman, out of action with relative ease. He is not so lucky against Zognar, whose power weapon puts the yoof out of action in short order. Zognar follows up by moving close to the trak, planning to exact revenge on the crew.

Heavy losses mean nothing to Tork’s Terrorz, passing their bottle test again. Zognar puts his plan into action and boards the stationary track.

There’s no shooting this turn though – everyone’s in hand to hand, getting their hands dirty like a proper greenskin.

Axel has to deal with the frightening visage that is Wazbag and unlike Dagfinn starts gibbering, at which juncture Gutrunt puts a powerklaw in his personal space and squeezes. Understandably he goes Out of Action. Once again opponent-less Gutrunt heads towards Larz, whilst Gorog and Wazbag start to clamber onto the trak.

Unfortunately he had forgotten about the other spanner boy, ZodZod, who has been feeling a bit left out. Laying into the poor Digga who does his best to dodge (he too has the Dodgy skill) but 75% of the blows still land, putting him Out of Action; the extra fleshwounds are too much to bear.

In the recovery phase Rotgrim manages to create a puddle of drool but still stays down.

Turn 6

Now empty of unwanted passenger Zogdreg guns Spike’s engines and starts moving forward while Ogkart tries his best to turn Ruzt to get in line.

Of all the Diggas there is only one left, Larz. Time for a famous last stand, he reckons.

Gutrunt flails wildly with his powerklaw but fails to wound the plucky Digga boy. Grimlug pushes the Ork aside and swings his choppa with brutal efficiency, inflicting eight hits on Larz. His luck persists to the end though as he dodges two strikes and avoids being wounded by a further two. Four hits from Grimlug is enough for anyone though, and he finally goes Out of Action.

With no more Diggas left on the board, Grimlug’s Lads are the victors.

Aftermath

Tork’s Terrorz are braver than they look – they fought to the last man, pretty admirable, one must admit.

In spite of their injuries many of the Diggas made a full recovery. Axel ended up with an old battle wound as did Knutta and missing an eye too. Bathazark received multiple injuries and woke up in extreme pain surrounded by Orks. Despite his condition he begged to join their mob, as per every Digga’s dream, but after some discussion he was found unworthy and was instead ransomed back for five teef. Aldorg was not so fortunate and Gorog’s attack was too much for him to bear. Mortally wounded he died before they could drag him back to the Pyramids.

Larz and Zognar both managed to survive against the odds though, proving themselves the ‘ardest in the mob by a long stretch. Similar fortune favoured their trukk, Gorkstad, which seemed to be working just fine after being left alone overnight. How odd.

Grimlug’s Ladz only had a single casualty – Skrognik, one of their yoofs (although he became a boy with the experience earned in this game). He did receive a leg wound though and when taken to the Dok ended up the not so proud owner of a peg leg. Marvellous.

Rotgrim’s wounds turned out to be largely superficial, although the same could not be said for the state of his brain. To the Dok he too was sent who didn’t know what to do with him, or perhaps he knew exactly what to do, even if it was somewhat eksperimental.

The rest of the mob weren’t that lucky either as there was a collapse in their scrap mine, injuring several of them. Full recoveries were made though, so it wasn’t all bad.

Overall it was an impressive game and Skippy should be applauded for getting into the spirit of the game. Many would bottle out, but not him. Like a true Digga he toughed it out to the bitter end to impress the greenskins. They were impressed enough to let the shaman go, in the spirit of Ghazghkull himself.

I let ‘im go ‘cause good enemies iz ‘ard to find, an Orks need enemies ta fight like they need meat ta eat an’ grog ta drink.

-Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka

Result: Victory to Grimlug’s Ladz.

Straight from Citadel Journal issue 35 we bring you some new gubbinz; ‘Eet Seekaz and Hot Squigglies!

These luverly heat-seeking missiles will (hopefully) lock onto any suitable target available – trukks, traks, bikes, or even boyz with a few too many bioniks!

Of course, with these nasty things flying about the desert it’d sensible to have something to throw them off the trail. Luckily this article also introduces Hot Squigglies; delightfully flammable little squigs which can be thrown off a vehicle as a crude countermeasure against the equally primitive rockets.

Written by Craig Thompson Wood and published in January 2000 this is one of the last Gorkamorka articles to ever be published and also has the honour of being one of the only three Gorkamorka articles published this millennium.

Download PDF

(Original image by cliff1066™ licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Generic 2.0 license)

There are many tricky decisions to be made when writing rules. The most important (or at least to the tUGS team) is that of overpower. Too much power spoils the broth...or something like that. Flamekebab gives us his personal insight into what he refers to as "Doom Fortress syndrome", so passionate about it, it’s delivered straight from his personal blog by E-Grots.

When working on new stuff for Gorkamorka I always try to avoid what I think of as “Doom Fortress Syndrome” – creating something so ridiculously overpowered that fielding it isn’t even remotely possible.

Generally we keep this sort of thing in check during our idea jams although a bit of craziness is of course welcome but most of that stuff ends up on the proverbial cutting room floor. In order to maintain the balance we try our best to follow the principles mentioned on the last page of Da Uvver Book (“Gorkamorka Designer’s Notes”). Shooting is not supposed to be particularly deadly, for example, so we try not to introduce anything that will mean that a faction can dominate the board. When we wrote the rules for the Dust Rat Long Rifle we made it expensive enough that a mob wishing to field several of them would end up forgoing much more versatile kit due to the sheer expense of the weapon, balancing its strength.

This is pretty much the reason why under normal circumstances you’ll not find us putting armour values over 10 on things – barely anything can penetrate vehicles that tough.

For this reason you won’t find us encouraging you to field battlewagons, tanks, or mega tanks for that matter. They look awesome, but the balance issues they raise risk the game turning into an arms race. Essentially it’s about trying to ensure an even playing field – no one faction should even be the obvious best choice.

It always annoys me when people say “Which side/character is best?!” for a videogame. The more sensible ones mean “Which do you think would suit someone who hasn’t played this before?” but a large number seem to be under the impression that there is one character or faction that is superior to all the others. In a well balanced game that kind of question should be gibberish!

The arms race I mentioned would mean that mobs that aren’t able to easily field powerful weapons would end up on the losing end much of the time. Sure, Orks can get hold of Rokkit launchers to try to crack the armour on a tough target, but what about Rebel Grots?

It’s a similar principle behind my opposition to Killa Kans in Gorkamorka – as a scenario component they’re fine, but as a regular mob member a Killa Kan causes problems. Gorkamorka is unique amongst the Games Workshop skirmish games (as far as I know) in that it has a mechanic known as “Da Rollin’ Road” (see page 96 of Da Uvver Book). This little set of rules means that one can have chases, races, and so on, which I think is rather awesome. Unfortunately if you cannot thrust then you are at a bit of a disadvantage – and walkers aren’t exactly known for their speed.

This is pretty much the only problem I see with the Snorta rules, but even then they can run like the Muties can which tends to help things.

To conclude I’ll say this – the ethos of a game is vitally important when crafting new rules. Just because you can add it doesn’t mean it’ll fit with how the game was intended to be played. Sometimes you’ve just got to say “well that’s pretty damn cool, but I just don’t think it’ll work in practice”. You don’t have to say it, actually, but it’s a principle I encourage you to adopt.

And there you have it! If anyone has any thoughts on the matter (and we hope you do), please leave a comment.