The Unnamed Gorkamorka Site

Transcribed from play-by-play Twitter updates:

Da N00bz vs. Nazgrab’s Yella Deff
Scenario: Lootas (Da Uvver Book, scenario 3)

Da N00bz have been diggin’ scrap today, but Nazgrab and his lads are feeling greedy.. Lots of yummy scrap was up for grabs, although Da N00bz might still make a break for it and take the fruits of their labour with them, if only they could get their gas turbines back online.
Nazgrab’s buggy, Krunch rams Keith, Da N00bz’ trukk, immobilising itself! Luckily it wasn’t all bad news, Da N00bz boy Sid was taken out in crash of steel on steel.
With Krunch out of commission, there was nothing else to do but open fire. Gubzo let loose with his twin-linked shoota, peppering Keith and damaging its upper cog links, reducing its movement. It should be noted that this is the first time that the weapon hasn’t jammed or run out of ammo!
Da N00bz step up and start taking shots at Krunch as the crew cower behind the little cover the buggy affords. Vern’s rain of slugga fire pins the Yella Deff’s grot, Snik – get yer ‘ed down!
Vern’s cheers are short-lived however, as the Yella Deff’s trukk, Grin, arrives to lend some support. Down goes the poor lad as Zagwazza runs him over. Now for a field run of the mob’s brand new gubbinz, a vicious looking big grabber. Krasher mans the controls and tears the nob pins from Keith, immobilising it for the rest of the game. Ouch!
It’s all getting a bit much for Da N00bz and they start to retreat, trying to cut their losses.
Grimfang, the Yella Deff’s slaver fancies himself as a bit of a ‘ard nut and tries to take on one of Da N00bz. No such luck, he goes down like a sack of spuds. Better luck next time, mate.
Choppablock, an old hand deciding to get back into the hunt for scrap. Hailing from the old days he’s finally healed up and ready to give it a go. It shows too as he takes on Duhwayne from Da N00bz and is able to keep him at bay for two rounds without result. Hang in there, lad.
Krukzog decides to make himself useful and skewers Da N00bz leader, Eugene, with a harpoon, putting him down.
With that the game is over, Da N00bz scarpered and Nazgrab’s Yella Deff cleaned up all that juicy scrap. Unfortunately, despite this victory, there were casualties. Grimfang ended up at the dok’s with a head wound and came out with a twinging head, seems something might have been left behind.. Not so lucky was Thogskin, who that dastardly Vern actually killed! You’ll not be forgotten, my son!

Da N00bz vs. Nazgrab’s Yella Deff
Scenario: One of our ladz is missin’ (Da Uvver Book, scenario 7)

As you may be aware, Nazgrab’s Yella Deff were the laughing stock of Mektown, having a total of zero victories to their name. Despite a rescue attempt, one of their lads was still in the hands of a rapidly expanding Morker mob called Da N00bz.

There was a mob rating difference of ~40, making the mob underdogs by quite a considerable margin, but no boyz left behind, not in Da Yella Deff!

Still, in true over-compensating tradition, Nazgrab rallied his boys, including their new slaver, Grimfang, and his grot, Snik, to make another go of it.

Despite the risk of taking in their wheels, their harpoon-packing war trukk, Grin, Nazgrab thought it best to get in fast, getting him to the fort in no time, well before any of Da Noobz could get back.

The only one left to guard the captive was Milty, an ork with little interest in shootas, preferring the weight of his trusty choppa. Krukzogput him down with a single harpoon bolt, although Milty was on his feet in good time to see the rest of his mates roll up:

Hearing the roar of engines in the distance, Zagwazza had brought the trukk ‘round the back, ready for a quick exit once the lads had clambered over the walls. Nazgrab and the rest of the mob had meanwhile been getting into the fort over the wall and doing their best to cut Ardkop free, just in time to see Da N00bz arrive in force:

Nazgrab was, unsurprisingly, bricking it, looking down the barrel of at least five weapons, let alone enough cutlery to cut him and his lads into very small pieces!

A salvo of shots rang out, all aimed at the poor nob, but much to his amazement, only a single shot found its mark, clipping his shoulder. (Sid later claimed it was a round from his shoota that did the damage, earning him a free round at the brew house)

Get up yez, yer blind zoggaz!
-Nazgrab

Not too happy about being used as a distraction, Nazgrab turned around to see that Thogskin had managed to get Ardkopout of his shackles.

Seeing the look on Grimfang’s face and knowing he had to make a call on whether they stayed on to fight or hightailed it like cowardly grots, Nazgrab yelled the command:

Leggit, lads!!
-Nazgrab

A mad dash for the wall ensued and all but Snik made it over. Pushed to the back of the group, the grot was suddenly feeling very lonely on top of the wall, surrounded by snarling orks.

With similar freakish fortune, most of the shots missed their mark, although he did hit the deck when a shot clipped him in the leg, giving him a moment to consider how much nicer his shoota was than the puny slugga Horace was allowed to wield. Snik considered that whilst things were looking bad, at least his mob looked after their own.

Managing to sling himself over the wall, Snik rejoined the mob, much to his relief, even if Grimfang wasn’t looking too pleased about the wait. Better the devil you know, eh?

With an ascending whoosh of gas turbines firing up, the lads were away, yelling insults and cheering. Finally, a big one up for the good guys!

Result: Victory to Nazgrab’s Yella Deff.